The Sweet Heartbreak of Parenting

Tonight, my son made cry more (and harder) than I have in years.

He doesn't even realize it (in fact, he's not even home right now), and would probably think I was a little crazy for its affecting me at all. Who knows, maybe I am a little crazy, but I decided I needed to write it down somewhere. Who knows--somebody might find it a little entertaining or informative, or something.

My wife took my kids on vacation, so they're not around the house right now. I was doing a little house-cleaning (yes, I actually do that, regardless of what my wife claims). Cleaning the bedroom shared by my two youngest sons (8 years old and 5 years old), I noticed that all their stuffed animals were on one of the beds. Usually they fight over the stuffed animals, and who can get the most on any given night. Once they've divided them up, each jealously guards his treasure trove with little short of his life. Seeing them all on one bed was a little surprising, to say the least.

I started to pick up a couple of the animals to put them back where they belonged, and saw there was a slip of paper under them. On it was written, in an 8 year-old's handwriting: "Here Ben. I'm almost nine now. I don't need stuffies any more."

I can't help thinking that my sweet little boy just declared that his childhood is over. He's a big boy now. I guess I can understand that. I remember when I too wanted more than anything in the world to be "big"--to be a grown-up. In some ways, I can't blame him. Being a grown-up definitely has some good points to it. I love being a father. Having a family is by far the greatest privilege of my life.

Even so, I hope--almost more than anything else I can think of right now, that by the time they get back from vacation, he's forgotten the note, and they fight at least a little bit over the stuffed animals. The fighting may upset my wife a little bit, but if they don't fight, it really does mean he's leaving behind a little more of the sweet baby boy I remember. I know that's inevitable anyway, but I hope he hangs on to a little bit of it at least a little longer.

You've probably heard it before, but I'll repeat it again: if you're a parent, treasure the time with your children. Even when they drive you crazy with noise and fighting and running and being out of control, try to remember: that'll end soon enough. Do your best to be happy with it while it lasts.